The Fit Lady

When someone you love is struggling with depression it can be hard to know how to help. If you are close to someone with depression and have never experienced the illness yourself you may begin to feel confused, frustrated, and even angry.

Sometimes those who are depressed have no way to communicating what they are dealing with because they themselves don’t understand what is happening to them. There is help, healing, and recovery possible. The following is a list of 10 things you should stop doing immediately if you want to help your loved ones progress.

1. Judgement

You may not even realize you are doing this but most likely you hold some judgments about what depression is. If you haven’t dealt with it personally you may conclude that major depressive disorder is actually just a whole lot of feeling gloomy. It is not. Your loved one who is struggling is most likely full of negative judgement towards themselves and can feel your judgement as well.
Reading posts like these show you are working towards understanding which will be extremely helpful for everyone involved.

2. Pity

As you gain more understanding into the mind of someone with depression you may feel pity for that “poor soul”. No one wants to be pitied. It feels patronizing and demoralizing. Those who struggle put a lot of pressure on themselves to be “normal”, even though it’s not visible, feeling pitied adds to the battle.

3. Resentment/ Contempt

Stop feeling resentment and showing contempt. If you’ve been dealing with this illness for some time you may begin to feel it is cramping your style. This will damage any relationship. Be mindful of your thoughts toward your loved ones. Negative thoughts turn into negative acts towards one another.

4. Pushing

Your loved one really wants to be better! They want more than anything to be free from depression. It can be all consuming. Too much Pushing them to do things you think they should be doing will only push them backwards. To them it feels like they are being pushed into the mouth of a lion.

Encourage them to get professional help if they are not doing so. Learn how they may feel encouraged to act without being pushed. Keep including them and inviting them to join you in fun activities but don’t shame them for not being able to at times.

Read here more about things you can and should do to help.

5. Anger

It is OK to feel anger, it is a natural human emotion. Be mindful of how you deal with your anger. If you feel yourself becoming angry at the depression don’t take it out on your loved one. Find a healthy way to release that anger.

 6. Ultimatums

If you are at the end of your rope or you think you can motivate with an ultimatum, stop. Honestly, I can’t think of anyone that would benefit from an ultimatum except maybe a two year old. If your loved one’s illness is affecting you and your wellbeing seek help for yourself. If the relationship is truly unhealthy for you learn how to set appropriate boundaries.

7. Laughing it Off

Don’t get me wrong laughter is great but not taking depression seriously can be dangerous. If your loved one feels no empathy from you or feels you don’t believe them when they reach out to you, they may not reach out again. They may be functioning well in your eyes but they may actually be barely hanging on.

8. Ignoring It

Your loved one may have given up trying to explain to you what they are dealing with. They are sick of dealing with it themselves and may begin to feel like a broken record. If they quit talking about it you should be the one to bring it up. If you think bringing it up only opens old wounds you are wrong. It is very much alive in their head. You bringing it up sensitively let’s them know you care and are aware. Continue to validate whenever possible.

9. Stop trying to be Logical

They have a logical mind too and this brings them an extreme amount of frustration. They don’t know why that logical mind doesn’t seem to register in a depressive episode. You should Understand rational thinking and logical explanations will not work. Continue to show an increased amount of love even though it may not be registering as such.

10. Stop assuming You’ve learned enough

I thank you on behalf of your loved one for reading this! Depression can ebb and flow and continuing to educate yourself is vitally important.

Depression is exhausting for everyone involved. It can be managed and there can be success in healing and happiness. Don’t give up. Sometimes one new thought or idea can be the spark that you need to get the ball rolling in the right direction.

Read my post here to learn all about the things you can and should do to help.